Dear Angelina,
Dear Reader,
Thank you for coming to this page. Over the many years Angelina has coached people she has come across many questions. Please feel free to send yours in so that they may be posted anonymously here!
I have to speak or perform to a group of people. What should I do?
I get so nervous, what can I do to calm down when I'm about to do something scary?
First congratulate yourself on being willing to do something unfamiliar to you! Hurray!
First is it an event, how much time do you have before the event. If you know ahead of time, exercise and do cardio to get all of that nervous energy out and to invite the endorphins in. If it's right before you're about to do the thing hold your breath for 10 to 20 seconds and then exhale deeply, this will instantly relax you. Keep doing this while telling yourself, it’s going to be fine it’s going to be great, this is going to be fun. This is going to be easy. You can relieve some of the anxiety by massaging outer ears. Put your left palm on the left ear and also right palm on the right ear. Shut your eyes, at the same time drop your shoulders. Carefully move the hands in a smooth circular movement, rubbing the external area of the ears using your palms. Listen to calming music. Or listen to a song that you can scream out, again to release that nervous energy.
Some people are mean and nasty. It is a fact and you might be running into more of these people than one should. When you are a kind, sensitive person who hates conflict this can be especially difficult. However, you absolutely must assert yourself with these people. You can't beat around the bush about your boundaries and what you find acceptable. You don't have to do it in an unpleasant way, but once this person sees and hears that you won't tolerate their behavior, they will be less likely to continue trying to walk all over you. Defend yourself one time, and that may be enough. Also, when you do it, take a breath and be very calm, determined and deliberate when you speak. Speak with a firm tone without yelling. Your sense of calm will show your inner strength. It also diminishes their power.
Any behavior that isn't characteristic to what you normally do will get their attention. Unless you have to be around someone unpleasant, simply stay away from people who are trying to test you. Get into a new environment, new friends. Going to battle everyday isn't healthy or normal. The gift in these people is that, it will allow you to develop a thicker skin, meaning you will begin to care less about what they think of you and care more about what you think about yourself. Get around good people who lift you up and cheer you on.
My parents and teachers were really critical how do I turn that around?
When we are children we hold our parents, teachers and other adult figures in such high esteem, almost putting them on a pedestal. We assume everything they do and say is true and right. However, they are humans with faults who make mistakes just like anyone else and although they may and hopefully had our best interests at heart, their actions and words may have been very damaging. First, you must recognize and say to yourself, this adult or this authority figure was or IS wrong about me. They didn’t know who I am as a person, they didn’t see or Couldn’t see my greatness and my potential, BUT I see it. Think about this, if someone has difficulty seeing their own value and worth, how are they going to see it properly in you?
No one else has the right to tell you, you can’t do something so don’t believe them if they do. You don’t have to carry on their criticism in YOUR mind. Most harsh critical people are operating from a place of fear and lack, but don’t let their shortcomings hold YOU back.
Here are answers to questions Angelina has been asked. The advice given is subjective. Although it is our intention always to help and provide support, we make no claims or guarantees.